I worry sometimes that feminist theorists see Mary’s virginity as connected in an essential way to her being without sin. This would be truly unfortunate.
While sexual relations may not be essential to marriage, many cultures see this coupling as the consummation of marriage. I would assume that most consider sexual relations an expectation of marriage and one of its great joys. Marriage within the Church gives this physical act of love and sharing its wholehearted blessing and helps bind man and wife in its wisdom. Marriage obligations are not meant to weigh on a couple’s shoulders, but to free them to be genuine and true.
Mary’s continued virginity in marriage is not meant as a guide for all of us. Far from it. The conception of children is God’s allowing us to take part in His creation. It is a wondrous thing, a holy thing.
But Mary’s continued virginity is instructive in a way of life that lifts us up from the realm of our limited senses, up from temporal things and fleeting pleasures.
In our struggle against the temptations of sin, we have to arm ourselves with a strength that might be considered dispassionate, indifferent. Perhaps. But I think it goes beyond that. It is a certainty that we are destined for something more than the illusionary desires of one moment in time.
Mary’s example is not meant as a censure of physical pleasure or our natural desire for intimacy. Moreover, it is not a model for obedience to anyone but God. In her life with Joseph, there is no doubt in my mind that the two of them reached decisions for their family through mutual respect and consensus.
And remember who it was who instructed Jesus to perform His first miracle. It was Mary, one of scripture’s many powerful women.
Do Angels Dance? 